Estoy confundida – Moni

This is probably not what you would expect me to feel when summer is hitting in and I’m doing my volunteership in Spain so close to the beach that i could easily go there even in crab walk.

For the record: I am grateful every day that I’m here and I’m part of this experience but I prefer to be honest and well, life is not only palmtrees and candyfloss colored sunsets. I just beginned my 4th month in Puerto de Sagunto working in a youth center and as the charm of novelty is fading away difficulties are becoming more visible. The work itself is changing every month which obviously has its perks but it also means that when I get used to the tasks and the rhythm, time is up and I have to buckle up for new challenges. In June we’re preparing our own classes for the July summer school (yes, we’re gonna entertain and keep kids alive completely on our own from next month), have our English conversation classes and trying to see the options to have activities connected to our professions. Because helping to organize craft classes for the kids is super fun but there are some days when I feel pretty useless and the purpose of my job is not as clear as I would want it to be.

Althought the number of small successes (such as ordering beer without unveiling my guiriness) per day is increasing, having social life is a lot harder than I thought it will be. I would love to find my places and people in Puerto, but as I always lived in Budapest with 2M people, I feel like I’m more of a Valencia type of girl. The 35 minutes long busride is not something to whine about but because of the constant planning and commuting it’s often feels like I’m lost in translationportation.

Now i reached the phase when the meaning of home starts to be blurry and I don’t really feel where do I belong. Luckily I have a badass support system: I can have long phone calls with my amazing Hungarian friends, our living room sofa is pretty much a psychiatrist’s couch where we can talk about anything and everything with my flatmate-friend Erin and I try to remind myself often that being confused is completely normal because this whole journey is about much more than going abroad for a year.